My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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