The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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