closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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