if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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