I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
