Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
false alarm, still single
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