i think my tv is drunk
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize