Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
