I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
