I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
