I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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