god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
