This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
