Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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