You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
