We're facebook friends in real life
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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