i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
