She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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