are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
What a dumb baby whore.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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