my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize