Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
