I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
