At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
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bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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