Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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