i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
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Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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