dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
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Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
