You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
