In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I would fuck him just for his dog
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
