I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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