I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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