Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
