why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you didnt know i had herpes?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
