Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
