dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if only i could text you this smell
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
