We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
