I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
