i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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