Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
