My first STD was from a foam party
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Randomize
