I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
