You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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