Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
