We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she peed on how many people?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
