Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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