thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
