I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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