I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just had sex on a roof
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
