I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
