i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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