Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
