TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
