Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
