Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
