last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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