i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
