God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
