im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
