The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
