Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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