I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
