I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
