im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
