I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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