I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
