Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?