Whod you bang
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.