I'm passing your future prison.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God