she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my poor anus
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.