I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
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all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means