So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.