someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Found the puke drawer
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore