I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
