I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
