i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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