My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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