I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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