The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
