I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
