There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
