Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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